how much is your worth?

I am always amazed at the ways God uses to communicate with us, to let us know His heart and desire for us. I am also amazed at how afraid we are to listen.

About 5 years ago, God started me in a journey that was very hard to take, seemed never ending, painful and many times pointless - It was a time of re-examination of my heart, a time to open it's doors and allow the Lord in to do a much needed sweeping.

Up until today, I thought the Lord was done opening the doors of my heart, then it came unexpectedly again, beautifully and forcefully asking me to stop, to sit and let Him in.

And this question keeps coming from my heart to my mind, forcing me to the Word -

is your worth based on what you get?

I am not talking in material terms. When you feel worthy, is it because you get what you want? then you feel like you matter?

Do you feel you are in God's thoughts because He blesses you with the wants of your heart?

Psalm 139: 17, 18a says: How precious are your thoughts about me,O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!

These verses tells us that God thinks about us constantly, it doesn't guarantee that we are thought about in order to get what we want.

When we are willing to honestly sit and ask the Lord what He wants from us, we may get a terrifying answer. I say terrifying because it may be totally different than our expectations.

The word says He wants us to have life, that starts with the Saving Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the deep and naked surrender of all that make us us, and let Him form us again and again.

He wants us to open up our hearts and connect with us, to ask us questions, to examine us until we come to the deep surrender and the confession that we are nothing without Him, that all has occurred to us been His living will all along, and that He alone is Lord - not the one that sits in a throne only, but the One that will make His word true - the One that by the death and resurrection of His son has established a relationship with us.

He left me with this question:

is your worth based on what you get from others? from Me?

and that is eating me alive, and I know and better know that I can only move forward with His answer pressed upon my heart.

What is your answer?